The Inciting Incident

The start of my journey to become a traditionally published author.

I was born to be mediocre.

Just average. Lots of ambition but almost no drive. I’m one of those “Steady Eddys” that works a job for 50 years before they retire and for what? What would I be retiring to? A fractured world and swallowed ambitions. If I’m being honest it feels prophetic. And sad.

My parents were also mediocre. I, fortunately, don’t mean their parenting but rather their ambition. Their drive. Their “want” for more. Maybe at one time they had big dreams, but by the time I came around I think the world had handed them their ass one too many times. Or maybe it’s just a midwestern mindset.

I say this affectionately, of course, because instead of pushing and prodding and begging me to be my best, we just existed. We laughed, had lazy weekends, and when I came home with C’s on my report card I got a pat on the back and some Dairy Queen.

I had every opportunity to excel. I was on the swim team, played softball, and basketball (even though I topped out at five foot three). I was in choir, show choir, marching band and every musical I could audition out for, but nothing ever stuck.

In college, I threw myself into music and hoped that my born mediocrity was due to proximity alone, like something I could cure myself of if I wasn’t near the vector, but (of course) I was simply the product of my upbringing.

“Do what makes you happy” was the mantra at home, but the problem with that is growth comes from the uncomfortable. It comes from change, and pressure, and intentional, hard work. Work that makes you strain. Pressure makes diamonds and all that.

That is something I wouldn’t learn until well into my thirties.

I naively thought that most talent was just that, talent. Not skill. Not thorough, painstaking, tear-inducing work. I thought (stupidly) that it was just something you were born with. I know I’m not alone in this especially when it comes to the arts. For whatever reason we feel it’s a divine gift even when we aren’t religiously inclined.

So here I am, 37 years old, and without being too self deprecating, my mediocrity is the inciting incident. It’s the thing that has changed my day to day and pushed me into adventure.

I’ve had my fair share of calls to action and I’ve ignored them. Every last one of them. Mainly because I didn’t think it was possible, but also because (as I mentioned before) I was never any good at much of anything. Sure, I’d throw myself into a new hobby and maladaptive daydream about what it would be like to make it my life. My career. But inevitably – I’d hit a point where I realized I really wasn't that good and why do anything if you suck.

But therein lies the trick, right? You’re gonna, suck. You’re gonna be bad. At least at first and that’s okay. In the words of Jake from Adventure Time “Dude, suckin’ at somethin’ is the first step towards bein’ sorta good at somethin’.

So here it is, my inciting incident. My first attempt at trying something intentionally – of working hard (truly) and of learning everything I can. When I’m done, I want to be able to say “at least I tried” and really mean it.

As a creative, I often have a hard time sharing my process and my desires, but what better way to break the cycle (that never worked to begin with) then sharing it all. So, I’m going to write this out loud (even though I’m superstitious and have OCD and in the back of my mind I think speaking life into it will end it before it’s started.):

I want to be a traditionally published author. Scratch that…

I am going to be a traditionally published author and I’m hoping you all will be interested in my journey as I learn the craft through self teaching, reading, writing, taking classes, going to events, and stumbling my way through just a little everyday. I’m particularly interested in connecting with other neophyte writers and those who are on the same path.

So thank you to anyone who has read this far, I hope we can be friends!

“If there’s a book you really want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.” -Toni Morrison